Confidence (OR Belief II?)
In a book about biking, I remember the author giving beginners the advice to not focus on and stress about falling, that if you do, you are bound to crash. His analogy was of a waiter in a restaurant carrying a tray full of dishes: if all the waiter does is think about and stress over the tray falling, then the tray is likely to come crashing to the floor (more on self-fulfilling prophecies in this previous entry).
Last month, I learned that one of the high school students I work with was in a choir class for the first time in her life, a very shy kid. I asked her what three things were most important to sing well. I was trying to coax pointers on technical tips.
She replied, "The most important thing you need is confidence."
I thought it was a very clever answer. One I had not anticipated. Wanting to hear more, I encouraged, "What else?"
"You also need to believe in yourself."
I wasn't clear what the difference between the two were, confidence and belief sound synonymous, but the concept was either too deep for me, or so important that reiterating it made sense. When she didn't continue and still wanting to hear technical advice to sing well, I asked, "And breathing?"
"Yeah, breathing matters too." And that was all. She was so right though.
In the book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell shares that there is a range when stress improves performance; optimal "arousal" occurs when your heart rate is between 115 to 145.
Beyond this range, we become clumsy; motor skills break down and so do mental processes. When we are in these states the tray of dishes comes crashing, we fall off our bike, we miss the net from six yards out—we make silly mistakes.
Fear, worry, doubt, and pressure all feed stress. All of these negative emotions can come from the stories in our own heads or from external factors (similar topic in "Man On!").
Today we had an early game. This is a team called Salvazo that feels like family; it's coed at an indoor facility, six field players plus a goalie, and you can't have more than three male players on the field at once. Even though many of our players were going to be missing the game today, all of the players who were coming today are part of our extended family, people we know and trust and have been playing with for a while; already, because of this, confidence was high. When you surround yourself with people who are amazing and kind and positive and trusting and have all that is needed to play the type and feel of soccer we play, you have found gold, a gold that takes time to build and grow.
(A pause here to express my gratitude for this gift: these people in my life).
That it was an early game matters in highlighting why confidence is important. We started the game with three women on the field, our goalie, and myself—two players less than they had. The rest of our team wasn't there... yet. As the game was about to start, and well into and after kick off, very little concern was expressed. You can't control what you can't control, so why worry? Just work hard and believe.
But what brought us such confidence? One was, our trust and care for each other. Another was, the belief that despite adversity we could hold down the game until our teammates trickled in. The third was likely the idea that our teammates would be joining us shortly, each adding incredibly to our likelihood of success.
When I coach, I tell my players that as soon as the step onto the field, they stand tall and confident, believing they and the team have done as much as can be done to prepare themselves—that now it's time to work hard, not stress, and enjoy.
I've played with and against many stressed out player. Even fans who express anxiety at moments when it is definitely not needed. This rarely works in anyone's favor.
And perhaps that was the most likely reason we were not worried. We were there to enjoy ourselves, and we were, and we did.
Six minutes into the 22 minute half, Claudia showed up (one of our younger players, but one of the wiser voices on the team). Ten minutes in we had Dillon. Mateo and Marcos showed up close to the end of the first half.
By halftime we were a goal up. The game ended 6 to 2 in our favor.
Last month, I learned that one of the high school students I work with was in a choir class for the first time in her life, a very shy kid. I asked her what three things were most important to sing well. I was trying to coax pointers on technical tips.
She replied, "The most important thing you need is confidence."
I thought it was a very clever answer. One I had not anticipated. Wanting to hear more, I encouraged, "What else?"
"You also need to believe in yourself."
I wasn't clear what the difference between the two were, confidence and belief sound synonymous, but the concept was either too deep for me, or so important that reiterating it made sense. When she didn't continue and still wanting to hear technical advice to sing well, I asked, "And breathing?"
"Yeah, breathing matters too." And that was all. She was so right though.
In the book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell shares that there is a range when stress improves performance; optimal "arousal" occurs when your heart rate is between 115 to 145.
Beyond this range, we become clumsy; motor skills break down and so do mental processes. When we are in these states the tray of dishes comes crashing, we fall off our bike, we miss the net from six yards out—we make silly mistakes.
Fear, worry, doubt, and pressure all feed stress. All of these negative emotions can come from the stories in our own heads or from external factors (similar topic in "Man On!").
Today we had an early game. This is a team called Salvazo that feels like family; it's coed at an indoor facility, six field players plus a goalie, and you can't have more than three male players on the field at once. Even though many of our players were going to be missing the game today, all of the players who were coming today are part of our extended family, people we know and trust and have been playing with for a while; already, because of this, confidence was high. When you surround yourself with people who are amazing and kind and positive and trusting and have all that is needed to play the type and feel of soccer we play, you have found gold, a gold that takes time to build and grow.
(A pause here to express my gratitude for this gift: these people in my life).
That it was an early game matters in highlighting why confidence is important. We started the game with three women on the field, our goalie, and myself—two players less than they had. The rest of our team wasn't there... yet. As the game was about to start, and well into and after kick off, very little concern was expressed. You can't control what you can't control, so why worry? Just work hard and believe.
But what brought us such confidence? One was, our trust and care for each other. Another was, the belief that despite adversity we could hold down the game until our teammates trickled in. The third was likely the idea that our teammates would be joining us shortly, each adding incredibly to our likelihood of success.
When I coach, I tell my players that as soon as the step onto the field, they stand tall and confident, believing they and the team have done as much as can be done to prepare themselves—that now it's time to work hard, not stress, and enjoy.
I've played with and against many stressed out player. Even fans who express anxiety at moments when it is definitely not needed. This rarely works in anyone's favor.
And perhaps that was the most likely reason we were not worried. We were there to enjoy ourselves, and we were, and we did.
Six minutes into the 22 minute half, Claudia showed up (one of our younger players, but one of the wiser voices on the team). Ten minutes in we had Dillon. Mateo and Marcos showed up close to the end of the first half.
By halftime we were a goal up. The game ended 6 to 2 in our favor.
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